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πππππ‘ β ππππππ.
EVEN WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS
EVEN WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS
That's very comforting. [ An even split down the middle whether or not he means that genuinely or with some skepticism. ] Thank you for saying so.
[ How blessed one must be to never worry about how crazy they look. Moving on! ]
...that aside, these all seem like new developments. What happened to your tethers?
[ This concern first. It's not as though he hasn't felt it himself, the way the once stabilizing bonds have been rocked off their axes by what he can only assume is one of Sleep's trials. In fact, it's why he looks the way he does, why Yuuto is one of scant few people he's allowed through his doors.
But the loss of tethers is cause for concern. ]
[ How blessed one must be to never worry about how crazy they look. Moving on! ]
...that aside, these all seem like new developments. What happened to your tethers?
[ This concern first. It's not as though he hasn't felt it himself, the way the once stabilizing bonds have been rocked off their axes by what he can only assume is one of Sleep's trials. In fact, it's why he looks the way he does, why Yuuto is one of scant few people he's allowed through his doors.
But the loss of tethers is cause for concern. ]
You're welcome.
[ Because he was going to see someone - he chose a suit that actually somewhat fits him. He's still paler than usual due to using a bit more blood magic and rituals than he needed to ever use. But can't one also chalk that up to the poor conditions they live? He'd like to think so. ]
I felt them shake themselves off me. I became quite a terror afterward.
[ Well, as much as he ever could be. ] Rather than physically going after people, I went after people vindictively with my words. I realize that isn't as bad, but -- [ He hums. ] -- how should I put it?
There's a lot of things people are trying not think about while we're here. There's too much to rummage through in our emotions and past, but this is hardly the place to do it.
[ A sad smile follows. ] Yet mocking someone for not doing that at all... trying to force them to face everything. I think that might be more painful than trying to kill them. [ And then he offers a slight smile. For someone who doesn't try to cause friction with other people, he really went a little overboard. ]
[ Because he was going to see someone - he chose a suit that actually somewhat fits him. He's still paler than usual due to using a bit more blood magic and rituals than he needed to ever use. But can't one also chalk that up to the poor conditions they live? He'd like to think so. ]
I felt them shake themselves off me. I became quite a terror afterward.
[ Well, as much as he ever could be. ] Rather than physically going after people, I went after people vindictively with my words. I realize that isn't as bad, but -- [ He hums. ] -- how should I put it?
There's a lot of things people are trying not think about while we're here. There's too much to rummage through in our emotions and past, but this is hardly the place to do it.
[ A sad smile follows. ] Yet mocking someone for not doing that at all... trying to force them to face everything. I think that might be more painful than trying to kill them. [ And then he offers a slight smile. For someone who doesn't try to cause friction with other people, he really went a little overboard. ]
[ For the first time, Subaru seems to be caught off his guard by that explanation. His expression loosens and then furrows again, consideration darkening his brow. ]
You're not a scathing man. And words... can sometimes do more harm than wounds would.
[ Even as an enemy, who'd do what he might to uphold his side of the line regarding earth's fate. So, he can only assume that their volatile benefactor must have finally dug her claws in far enough with this instance to finally upturn something worth corrupting in Kigai Yuuto. What a terrible thing — and something that could happen to any of them. His stomach turns slightly, thinking of Agent Choi outside his door and Subaru declining to allow him in, apprehensive of that one ability. To do harm with words...
Subaru glimpses upward, silent a while. As if really looking at him this time. ]
Go sit at the table. [ He finally pushes himself to a stand. ] Please.
You're not a scathing man. And words... can sometimes do more harm than wounds would.
[ Even as an enemy, who'd do what he might to uphold his side of the line regarding earth's fate. So, he can only assume that their volatile benefactor must have finally dug her claws in far enough with this instance to finally upturn something worth corrupting in Kigai Yuuto. What a terrible thing — and something that could happen to any of them. His stomach turns slightly, thinking of Agent Choi outside his door and Subaru declining to allow him in, apprehensive of that one ability. To do harm with words...
Subaru glimpses upward, silent a while. As if really looking at him this time. ]
Go sit at the table. [ He finally pushes himself to a stand. ] Please.
( Death, from the man who has lived it, is never kinder. It merely is, robust and reliable closure, an insipid and whispering curtain. No promise, no poetry, no drama.
Only a boy and his fresh raw yearning, not for blood spilled but peace long gone. Not a boy, Seishirou supposes, and sees him — a man.
He takes the cigarette, hand shaking not with emotional tremors but residual adrenaline and the wear-and-tear of strain after forcing his scalpel. The stick nearly slips in blood slick between his fingers. He clamps down.
There is the sibilant trace of a question that will never come between them, like petrichor at the start of an arid day. )
Most pay premium for the service. ( He leans in, expectantly, for a light. ) Like what you see?
Only a boy and his fresh raw yearning, not for blood spilled but peace long gone. Not a boy, Seishirou supposes, and sees him — a man.
He takes the cigarette, hand shaking not with emotional tremors but residual adrenaline and the wear-and-tear of strain after forcing his scalpel. The stick nearly slips in blood slick between his fingers. He clamps down.
There is the sibilant trace of a question that will never come between them, like petrichor at the start of an arid day. )
Most pay premium for the service. ( He leans in, expectantly, for a light. ) Like what you see?
[ No, no, he won't be cooking up anything more meticulous than this for a while yet. It's only when someone else is in need that he even tries at all; having a full apartment lately is really letting him get his steps in. (If steps can be counted in stale tea bags and sweeteners.) As it is, he seems somewhat more ease now that he can observe Caelus directly, finding that there's no change in his waking appearance or mannerisms. ]
Drink it while it's hot, and make sure to finish it all. There's more, if you want another cup.
[ How many times had he heard those words himself? So many. And somehow still not enough.
Taking the seat across from him, Subaru gently slides his ashtray and lighter to the side, relieving the temptation of lighting up a cigarette to soothe his nerves while his company isn't in any speaking condition.
It's there that he shows his hand: something is still on his mind. ]
Drink it while it's hot, and make sure to finish it all. There's more, if you want another cup.
[ How many times had he heard those words himself? So many. And somehow still not enough.
Taking the seat across from him, Subaru gently slides his ashtray and lighter to the side, relieving the temptation of lighting up a cigarette to soothe his nerves while his company isn't in any speaking condition.
It's there that he shows his hand: something is still on his mind. ]
[ His elbow bends, rigidity tireless, to retrieve a lighter from his coat pocket. He flicks it alive, the meager, pearlescent glow of its flame illuminating little more than curdling blood and taut sinew in equally rigid hands. His chest tightens and the sensation is anything but unmoored. ]
No. I never liked it.
[ And how inexplicable it'd been, how bereft of sense it was, for those feelings to never be in discordance with one another as he'd chosen to feel them. ]
No. I never liked it.
[ And how inexplicable it'd been, how bereft of sense it was, for those feelings to never be in discordance with one another as he'd chosen to feel them. ]
( Never liked it. And he has to laugh, perishable, dispersing. A life's carefully manicured performance, and all Sumeragi Subaru can spare him is... light, Promethean. Small mercy. He bridges the distance, a blistering inhalation signing off his approval.
His cigarette wakes. The initial kick of nicotine rouses a petty moan, a pale taming of his feature. He looks from under the umbrella of blood-stitched lashes. )
You'll hurt my feelings.
His cigarette wakes. The initial kick of nicotine rouses a petty moan, a pale taming of his feature. He looks from under the umbrella of blood-stitched lashes. )
You'll hurt my feelings.
[ A full apartment is good! It means more (hopefully) nice company, more love to go around! Caelus is relieved to see Subaru getting along well with a good number of people, and he hopes more come around to realize just how wonderful this person's company is. Then again, maybe he doesn't need to hope. Subaru being himself is more than enough to draw others in.
Case in point, this is why this raccoon is always happily coming over. Caelus might as well be counted as one of the live-ins⦠He loves napping here; it's really soothing around the place because of the onmyouji's gentle presence. This hot tea might knock him into a drowsy state sooner or later. When told to drink, he obediently follows.
Glug, glug. He's drinking for now. But seconds later, when Caelus notices Subaru spacing out, he carefully sets down the tea cup and tilts his head. Eyes growing curious. He stares at him like that, waiting to see if the onmyouji will bring it up himself. If not, then he will ask in a creative manner. ]
Case in point, this is why this raccoon is always happily coming over. Caelus might as well be counted as one of the live-ins⦠He loves napping here; it's really soothing around the place because of the onmyouji's gentle presence. This hot tea might knock him into a drowsy state sooner or later. When told to drink, he obediently follows.
Glug, glug. He's drinking for now. But seconds later, when Caelus notices Subaru spacing out, he carefully sets down the tea cup and tilts his head. Eyes growing curious. He stares at him like that, waiting to see if the onmyouji will bring it up himself. If not, then he will ask in a creative manner. ]
Right?
[ He replies in return - less of his usual chime and more a sincere reply.
Of course, of course. Yuuto has the means to sympathize with other people. Metaphorically causing someone with a thousand little cuts - so that they see how small and weak they've always been - makes existing in this city even worse. Especially if he's been an ally of that person. Would it feel like he's always harbored those feelings? Or that he was never on their side?
It's too much of a hassle to betray someone, if anyone were to ask him. If he joins in, he is in it for the long haul. But also due to his own curiosity - which is not necessarily kind curiosity. So, what is he feeling in this moment? Remorse? Regret? He doesn't think he feels either one of those things.
A small tilt of his head as he heads to sit down at the table as offered. ]
You know, Subaru... I could blame all of my actions on Sleep. I believe I could absolve myself of any wrongdoing. [ Resting his elbows on the table, he props his chin on his hands. ] However, I would like those harmed to care about themselves a little more. To not just forgive because a situation was beyond my control.
[ Yes, rather than regret or remorse, he simply feels it isn't right versus that it's wrong. ]
Honestly, what I'm doing is the bare minimum for them... [ But at least gives an impression of doing more. So, there is that! ]
[ He replies in return - less of his usual chime and more a sincere reply.
Of course, of course. Yuuto has the means to sympathize with other people. Metaphorically causing someone with a thousand little cuts - so that they see how small and weak they've always been - makes existing in this city even worse. Especially if he's been an ally of that person. Would it feel like he's always harbored those feelings? Or that he was never on their side?
It's too much of a hassle to betray someone, if anyone were to ask him. If he joins in, he is in it for the long haul. But also due to his own curiosity - which is not necessarily kind curiosity. So, what is he feeling in this moment? Remorse? Regret? He doesn't think he feels either one of those things.
A small tilt of his head as he heads to sit down at the table as offered. ]
You know, Subaru... I could blame all of my actions on Sleep. I believe I could absolve myself of any wrongdoing. [ Resting his elbows on the table, he props his chin on his hands. ] However, I would like those harmed to care about themselves a little more. To not just forgive because a situation was beyond my control.
[ Yes, rather than regret or remorse, he simply feels it isn't right versus that it's wrong. ]
Honestly, what I'm doing is the bare minimum for them... [ But at least gives an impression of doing more. So, there is that! ]
[ actually, there's no need to reassure the agent with talk like that, from the way the other carries himself and responds to danger. he's able to tell the man feels only so much. ]
I wouldn't say it's a good thing... actually, that's worrisome.
[ and like this it's very easy to bleed into the "it just isn't right" point of view that he knows so well. a hand comes to his own wrist, he wrings it as he slowly shuffles his way inside before sighing tiredly. it's stuffy, is it the room temperature or the tether that constantly reminds him that it's there? ]
When did life back home start to feel like this?
[ the smell of smoke permeates, he rarely comes here, but it's strong to him who have quit such a long time ago. a horrible vice, but the medication did well in its stead. salive thick in his throat as he swallows it down, and then he looks off to the side to et a better look at the other's home. ]
I wouldn't say it's a good thing... actually, that's worrisome.
[ and like this it's very easy to bleed into the "it just isn't right" point of view that he knows so well. a hand comes to his own wrist, he wrings it as he slowly shuffles his way inside before sighing tiredly. it's stuffy, is it the room temperature or the tether that constantly reminds him that it's there? ]
When did life back home start to feel like this?
[ the smell of smoke permeates, he rarely comes here, but it's strong to him who have quit such a long time ago. a horrible vice, but the medication did well in its stead. salive thick in his throat as he swallows it down, and then he looks off to the side to et a better look at the other's home. ]
[ Laughter, viscera, motes catching on fluorescent liminality. It does strike him from time to time, when he catches himself noticing the small details: the sick shine of blood on the thinness of his eyelids. The improbability. ]
You'd prefer it. [ A certainty with the cadence of a hope. His thumb eases on the tactile scratch of the sparkwheel, cutting the flame before its halo illuminates too much. When noticing becomes too much. Only when it's gone does he lower his hand. ] That I dislike it.
You'd prefer it. [ A certainty with the cadence of a hope. His thumb eases on the tactile scratch of the sparkwheel, cutting the flame before its halo illuminates too much. When noticing becomes too much. Only when it's gone does he lower his hand. ] That I dislike it.
( Would he? This porcelain doll of a man, carved back down to the quiet shapes of a boy spindly and known. His eyes were wide and wet and sorrowful, even when he smiled, like a toy crafted from the earth of graves. Like waters that have claimed a life. )
We really shouldn't be smoking in a hospital. ( He keeps at it, anyway. Waits, until smoke has swallowed him and the vapours have wet his lungs, lubrifying. ) Truthfully, I don't know.
( It costs him, the admission. And rich men never yearn to part with their money. )
In theory, you should be taking up the mantle. That implies a certain degree of... ( The wave of his hand, his cigarette a tacit extension of fingers red and long. ) Flexibility.
( But is he so preoccupied with tradition? Certainly, there is the strategic convenience of legacy contorted into Sumeragi Subaru's shortcut to survival. A small, petty guarantee. But beyond that? )
I don't know if it suits you. ( The tectonic dislodging of the weight of the world in a half-languid shrug. ) I don't know if what I think matters.
We really shouldn't be smoking in a hospital. ( He keeps at it, anyway. Waits, until smoke has swallowed him and the vapours have wet his lungs, lubrifying. ) Truthfully, I don't know.
( It costs him, the admission. And rich men never yearn to part with their money. )
In theory, you should be taking up the mantle. That implies a certain degree of... ( The wave of his hand, his cigarette a tacit extension of fingers red and long. ) Flexibility.
( But is he so preoccupied with tradition? Certainly, there is the strategic convenience of legacy contorted into Sumeragi Subaru's shortcut to survival. A small, petty guarantee. But beyond that? )
I don't know if it suits you. ( The tectonic dislodging of the weight of the world in a half-languid shrug. ) I don't know if what I think matters.
[ He's wired to be sensitive to the feeling of eyes on him. It's just that it's usually the eyes of ghosts and entities, entreaties for him to notice them where no one else could. This is different. When Subaru's gaze flicks upwards to meet Caelus's, awareness sharpening as second-nature, it's steady.
He doesn't need time to parse his words. ]
What you're going through right now is partly my fault.
He doesn't need time to parse his words. ]
What you're going through right now is partly my fault.
[ Once he's seated, Subaru is quiet a while. Just listening to his musing aloud, like he'd do with any number of clients he still saw at the beginning of the end of the world. Just because he was privy to that tectonic sieve of magic and prophecy didn't mean that he had the right to keep anyone else from going about their lives in spite of it. (Call it workaholic to hyper-employed communication.) He sets the kettle on the countertop burner to boil water, deft fingers perusing through a few containers of various teabags. ]
I believe many people who'd be driven to act outside of themselves would do the same. But — [ Selecting one, he tosses the packet on the counter and continues on his way. ] personal responsibility isn't as rare of a trait as you'd think, either. Everyone repents differently.
[ While waiting for the water, he turns back to the table, gaze traversing Yuuto's pallor and knowing well what it means. Subaru had been the one to start teaching him. ]
What is it that you're doing for them?
I believe many people who'd be driven to act outside of themselves would do the same. But — [ Selecting one, he tosses the packet on the counter and continues on his way. ] personal responsibility isn't as rare of a trait as you'd think, either. Everyone repents differently.
[ While waiting for the water, he turns back to the table, gaze traversing Yuuto's pallor and knowing well what it means. Subaru had been the one to start teaching him. ]
What is it that you're doing for them?
[ Worrisome. It wouldn't be the first time he's heard it and it won't be the last. Most of his world aren't privy to the inner workings of onmyoudo clan politics, the deaths and the rivalries, the crux he represents at the heart of it. They simply saw a man drowning and congratulated him on his job well done.
Sensing Soleum's exhaustion as if it's a layer of liquid slowly seeping over him, Subaru's fingers flex at his mouth and, after a final inhale, he leans over to stub the cigarette out on in the ashtray on his coffee table. The inside is stuffy. He's had the doors and windows all but barricaded by magic for a week. As soon as the tethers began to invert, he took no chances. Otherwise, the interior of the former bed & breakfast is in disrepair as most places are. It still looks lived-in, despite the odds. Scraps and bits of projects artificers tinker with have been left around; multiple cups and dishes clean and left by his kitchen sink; extra jackets, notes, and talismans are strewn about on various surfaces.
Subaru indicates he can sit somewhere if he'd like. And the answer he gives is plain, carefully spoken, as natural as breathing: ]
After my sister died.
Sensing Soleum's exhaustion as if it's a layer of liquid slowly seeping over him, Subaru's fingers flex at his mouth and, after a final inhale, he leans over to stub the cigarette out on in the ashtray on his coffee table. The inside is stuffy. He's had the doors and windows all but barricaded by magic for a week. As soon as the tethers began to invert, he took no chances. Otherwise, the interior of the former bed & breakfast is in disrepair as most places are. It still looks lived-in, despite the odds. Scraps and bits of projects artificers tinker with have been left around; multiple cups and dishes clean and left by his kitchen sink; extra jackets, notes, and talismans are strewn about on various surfaces.
Subaru indicates he can sit somewhere if he'd like. And the answer he gives is plain, carefully spoken, as natural as breathing: ]
After my sister died.
[ !!β¦
!!!β¦
Trying to speak, but can't. But Caelus's face says it all, especially as he fiercely shakes his head. He's doing his best to convey that he doesn't want Subaru to blame himself⦠He constantly waves his hands, too, open palms facing the older man. More "no."
Eventually, he quickly shuffles through his messenger bag to get a familiar raccoon post-it out, writing something before holding it up⦠His English is still far from perfect, but these days, it's become more reliable than it used to be. ]
NO
NOTVAULT SALT FALLT
[ Spelling⦠remains dumb as ever, though. ]
NOT YOU
IS SLIP
β¦SLEEP
JUST LIKE
NICOLA AND OTHERS BAKE THEN
!!!β¦
Trying to speak, but can't. But Caelus's face says it all, especially as he fiercely shakes his head. He's doing his best to convey that he doesn't want Subaru to blame himself⦠He constantly waves his hands, too, open palms facing the older man. More "no."
Eventually, he quickly shuffles through his messenger bag to get a familiar raccoon post-it out, writing something before holding it up⦠His English is still far from perfect, but these days, it's become more reliable than it used to be. ]
NO
NOT
[ Spelling⦠remains dumb as ever, though. ]
NOT YOU
IS SLIP
β¦SLEEP
JUST LIKE
NICOLA AND OTHERS BAKE THEN
[ It takes a short lean across the table to see what he's writing, and some mental math to translate it over from its spelling into his passable english. A knowing look crosses his eyes, softening the corners of them a bit. ]
No, I was careless in testing the limits of the dream. And it caused you harm, because I used a dangerous spell against you.
[ Eating the tadpole in the first place aside (he understands well what sort of adventurous people he deals with here, so that part is the least surprising)... He's known all along, that Sleep's influence can creep in by insidious means, with charm or with the violence of lighting, all at once and with no recourse. He'd bet on the former and got the latter. There was no time to realize what was happening, no way to mitigate the effects of the fire and the ceremonial blade.
He inclines his head slightly. ]
I'm supposed to be protecting you. [ That Stellaron, whirring. ] I'm sorry.
No, I was careless in testing the limits of the dream. And it caused you harm, because I used a dangerous spell against you.
[ Eating the tadpole in the first place aside (he understands well what sort of adventurous people he deals with here, so that part is the least surprising)... He's known all along, that Sleep's influence can creep in by insidious means, with charm or with the violence of lighting, all at once and with no recourse. He'd bet on the former and got the latter. There was no time to realize what was happening, no way to mitigate the effects of the fire and the ceremonial blade.
He inclines his head slightly. ]
I'm supposed to be protecting you. [ That Stellaron, whirring. ] I'm sorry.
[ Hmm⦠Hmm⦠After calming down from his reflexive reaction, Caelus thinks to himself that maybe he should've expected Subaru to blame himself again. The Traibllazer smiles, understanding, then writes something again. ]
BUT YOU DO. I'M SAFE.
AND YOUHEEL HEAL. MORE TAIMES CAN COUNT.
HOTEL SAFE TOO. WITH SPILLS.
WALLS. DOORS.
CUTE BIRD!
[ He's trying to say that Subaru's spells healed him before (a lot), and has constantly kept himself and even the hotel safe all this time. The only time the hotel fell into danger so far was during the time Subaru got hurt, causing its protection to disappear. ]
GOT IDEA!
CAST SPILL ON ME TOO? LIKE HOTEL?
MAI BE GUUD LUCK!
BUT YOU DO. I'M SAFE.
AND YOU
HOTEL SAFE TOO. WITH SPILLS.
WALLS. DOORS.
CUTE BIRD!
[ He's trying to say that Subaru's spells healed him before (a lot), and has constantly kept himself and even the hotel safe all this time. The only time the hotel fell into danger so far was during the time Subaru got hurt, causing its protection to disappear. ]
GOT IDEA!
CAST SPILL ON ME TOO? LIKE HOTEL?
MAI BE GUUD LUCK!
[ To not know from Seishirou's vantage strikes him still. His palm is cool and dry on the lighter; he thought he would sweat more, his heartrate climbing.
Would things be different if he wielded the ability to administer death with the edge of a knife than the whisper of a prayer? Primitive, holy weapons. He suspects it might. Subaru has been apprehensive in considering it — there has been no room to. It matters. It's always mattered. He's thought it into the ground, peeling back back the sheer connective tissues of his love's cadaver with his fingernails, picking through the fibers in search of what he might have missed. Or worse, recognized. ]
It might not have mattered if you never had to see it. [ He pockets the lighter by the smoke's ambient shield. ] It matters now.
[ However they've come by it, both decisions fractured by an external force they are, for once, not entirely privy to.
Purgatory, gray and shivering its disruption, its wrong and newborn indecision. ]
It might only matter now. Is it still you?
Would things be different if he wielded the ability to administer death with the edge of a knife than the whisper of a prayer? Primitive, holy weapons. He suspects it might. Subaru has been apprehensive in considering it — there has been no room to. It matters. It's always mattered. He's thought it into the ground, peeling back back the sheer connective tissues of his love's cadaver with his fingernails, picking through the fibers in search of what he might have missed. Or worse, recognized. ]
It might not have mattered if you never had to see it. [ He pockets the lighter by the smoke's ambient shield. ] It matters now.
[ However they've come by it, both decisions fractured by an external force they are, for once, not entirely privy to.
Purgatory, gray and shivering its disruption, its wrong and newborn indecision. ]
It might only matter now. Is it still you?
[ As he writes the words, Subaru falls silent. All those spells he'd placed upon his arrival coalesce into his memory, when his magic was weak and new but his conviction in learning it was robust. Maybe he was too sure — all of them had been destroyed after his brush with death in the subway tunnels. To make mistakes is human, an inextricable part of growing up and learning. But for him, mistakes cost lives. It sometime cost souls, the very hearts of people. He's reminded of that now, even though Caelus surely means these things as comfort and forgiveness. ]
Alright. I have two in mind. Wait here.
[ ...and finish your tea.
He stands from the chair and reenters the living area to pick up a few things. ]
Alright. I have two in mind. Wait here.
[ ...and finish your tea.
He stands from the chair and reenters the living area to pick up a few things. ]
[ Before Subaru leaves, Caelus uses his hands to cheerfully gesture some hearts. Indication that he'll wait patiently, as well as to more clearly show that he doesn't blame him at all, no matter what.
As he waits, Caelus picks up the teacup again to resume drinking the rest of its contents. He looks around the familiar kitchen while doing so. He visits so much that he knows where the food is keptβ¦ He remembers the time he cooked porridge for Subaru. It's been a while since then, which is surprising to think about. In several more months, the anniversary of their first meetingβ¦
That does make Caelus wonder when Subaru's birthday is. Lately, there's been a lot of celebrants, after all. Expected, considering how much time has already passed them by. He'll have to think about this at a later date. For now, he finishes the tea and then pours a refill to drink some more.
He also decides to write more things. ]
PLEASE BE KINDER
TO YOUR SELF
MISTAKES ARE SCAERY, BUT BE CAUSE THEY ARE
YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH
MORE PRECIOEUS LAIFE IS
IF WE DON'T KNOW THISE SCAERY FEELING
WE TAKE THINGS FOUR GRANTED
THE MORE IT HURTS, THE MORE WE WANT TO PROTECT
SO YOU CAN HOLD ONTO THISE
AND BECOME STRONGER!
SUPER SUBARU!
[ At the bottom, there's a tiny drawing of a smiling, chibi Subaru holding a bouquet of flowers. Caelus takes that raccoon note off the pad, then stands up to place it on the kitchen's corkboard, so that Subaru can see it every day from now on and be reminded. ]
As he waits, Caelus picks up the teacup again to resume drinking the rest of its contents. He looks around the familiar kitchen while doing so. He visits so much that he knows where the food is keptβ¦ He remembers the time he cooked porridge for Subaru. It's been a while since then, which is surprising to think about. In several more months, the anniversary of their first meetingβ¦
That does make Caelus wonder when Subaru's birthday is. Lately, there's been a lot of celebrants, after all. Expected, considering how much time has already passed them by. He'll have to think about this at a later date. For now, he finishes the tea and then pours a refill to drink some more.
He also decides to write more things. ]
PLEASE BE KINDER
TO YOUR SELF
MISTAKES ARE SCAERY, BUT BE CAUSE THEY ARE
YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH
MORE PRECIOEUS LAIFE IS
IF WE DON'T KNOW THISE SCAERY FEELING
WE TAKE THINGS FOUR GRANTED
THE MORE IT HURTS, THE MORE WE WANT TO PROTECT
SO YOU CAN HOLD ONTO THISE
AND BECOME STRONGER!
SUPER SUBARU!
[ At the bottom, there's a tiny drawing of a smiling, chibi Subaru holding a bouquet of flowers. Caelus takes that raccoon note off the pad, then stands up to place it on the kitchen's corkboard, so that Subaru can see it every day from now on and be reminded. ]
...ah.
( No. He sees, he hears. He listens, worse of all; always has. And his smile's oleaginous and bronze, and his one living eye's glinting. And now he sees: the work of Sumeragi Subaru's cherry-skinned mouth, how it rounds and collapses around the abstract vagaries that give men their justifications, while his hushed tones buy their comfort.
Full, manipulative bedside service. Your grandmother's raised a silver-tongued charlatan. Worse of all, Sumeragi Subaru means every word. )
This is how you do it. ( The art of the play. He tips his cigarette until ash crowds down in thick, lumping clusters. The tobacco's too poorly aged. ) You make them feel heard. Unjudged, unhurried, safe in their... pettiness, and their pride, and their shallow-hearted ambitions.
( And he waves only two fingers of the hand, flimsy and bound. )
No, no. Don't waste it on me. ( He's already hook, line and sinker. ) I'm embarrassed I must seem so pathetic right now that you have to resort to this. We used to speak plainly to each other. Other than the corpses, what changed?
( No. He sees, he hears. He listens, worse of all; always has. And his smile's oleaginous and bronze, and his one living eye's glinting. And now he sees: the work of Sumeragi Subaru's cherry-skinned mouth, how it rounds and collapses around the abstract vagaries that give men their justifications, while his hushed tones buy their comfort.
Full, manipulative bedside service. Your grandmother's raised a silver-tongued charlatan. Worse of all, Sumeragi Subaru means every word. )
This is how you do it. ( The art of the play. He tips his cigarette until ash crowds down in thick, lumping clusters. The tobacco's too poorly aged. ) You make them feel heard. Unjudged, unhurried, safe in their... pettiness, and their pride, and their shallow-hearted ambitions.
( And he waves only two fingers of the hand, flimsy and bound. )
No, no. Don't waste it on me. ( He's already hook, line and sinker. ) I'm embarrassed I must seem so pathetic right now that you have to resort to this. We used to speak plainly to each other. Other than the corpses, what changed?
[ his decline started there and not with the questionable marks that were on the back of his hands? of course, that is none of his business when like this, the playful remarks in his head about his sister isn't something he can reference either. not like this, anyway. even if his mouth feels cotton dry, and the saliva he swallows down is a little thick— it really is none of his business. ]
You two must have been close.
[ he doesn't know anything like that, but somehow he does feel a little sad for him. who wouldn't? ]
Do you think this sort of life is worth living?
[ he's gauging things now, trying to understand how bad it is due to the aftermath of a family member's death. there's only so much he knows about the other, some information that he shouldn't know, but he can't help but ask for some unknown reason. it could stem from that nauseating connection that tightens and pulls reminding them that it's there.
and when it does, he can't help but squeeze, and squeeze and squeeze hoping for its destruction. ]
You two must have been close.
[ he doesn't know anything like that, but somehow he does feel a little sad for him. who wouldn't? ]
Do you think this sort of life is worth living?
[ he's gauging things now, trying to understand how bad it is due to the aftermath of a family member's death. there's only so much he knows about the other, some information that he shouldn't know, but he can't help but ask for some unknown reason. it could stem from that nauseating connection that tightens and pulls reminding them that it's there.
and when it does, he can't help but squeeze, and squeeze and squeeze hoping for its destruction. ]
[ When he reenters the kitchen, his eyes first dart to the teacup to make sure he's been doing as instructed, and he seems satisfied to find that he's poured himself more to drink. Then his attention rises and passes softly against the new sticky notes, understanding the sentiment behind them thanks to their tether more than he physically reads them. He can take a longer look later. Some words do stand out. Kinder. "Precious."
Protect. And stronger.
He returns to his seat, setting down a few items: some good paper, likely reserves from the initial care package Aventurine left with him, a brush, a chipped glass inkwell. There's also a blade shaped like a tiger's claw and some twine. ]
Did you know those little post-it notes ended up being useful for me?
Protect. And stronger.
He returns to his seat, setting down a few items: some good paper, likely reserves from the initial care package Aventurine left with him, a brush, a chipped glass inkwell. There's also a blade shaped like a tiger's claw and some twine. ]
Did you know those little post-it notes ended up being useful for me?
No. [ Subaru doesn't think about the answer much. In fact, it slides off his tongue all too succinctly. It could be that the irritation and fatigue has made him feel too thin to upkeep his worldly demeanor. ] But there was something I wished for... and the only way to see it through was to keep living.
[ He is speaking in past-tense, of course. He likely doesn't need to say that arriving in a mad-deity fueled apocalypse disrupted everything, turned it inside out, and has left him reeling. All he can fall back on are old habits and trying to decipher meaning from this karmic circle of hell, if there is one. What a unique position.
Their tether twists like a muscle spasm and it cords through him in a way that makes him need to move — so he goes to the kitchen and pulls a small glass down from one of the shelves. ]
It's hard to feel like we're capable of resolving anything here. Is that why you visited?
[ With the feeling of failure as hot on his heels as his shadow. ]
[ He is speaking in past-tense, of course. He likely doesn't need to say that arriving in a mad-deity fueled apocalypse disrupted everything, turned it inside out, and has left him reeling. All he can fall back on are old habits and trying to decipher meaning from this karmic circle of hell, if there is one. What a unique position.
Their tether twists like a muscle spasm and it cords through him in a way that makes him need to move — so he goes to the kitchen and pulls a small glass down from one of the shelves. ]
It's hard to feel like we're capable of resolving anything here. Is that why you visited?
[ With the feeling of failure as hot on his heels as his shadow. ]
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