[ this place will eat him alive too, agent grapes knows this, and it's why he expects the cat by him to lead subaru out. he leans forward, one hand— stump of the wrist?— no that's just the edge of the jacket he wears dripping something black onto the ground.
it trickles onto the black cat like rain, rejected too as it slides along the surface and onto the ground around the feline. aware of this, that one red eye watching his body break down like so before him, he understands how grave the situation is at hand.
subaru.
he can not be here. ]
I don't have magic. [ he doesn't want it. if this place could tear it out from him, remove the pieces of himself that doesn't make up kim soleum. then he'd welcome it. the thought is so tempting when said by someone else when they view him like this. ]
But... you do.
[ that hand comes back to his lap, agent grapes tilts his head down, and he listens.
— What a nosey fellow! This is an a and b conversation, wouldn't you say, friend? — What to do, what to do. You really shouldn't tell him, it's been some time since we could speak, friend. — I can help you, friend! Stay a little longer, this Host has so much advice to help you out of this predicament. Now— ]
To break it down from the inside, you have to understand what you're against.
[ — That's fine and dandy, friend! this gracious host thinks you should tell him ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓. ]
[ That insistence makes his stomach churn. He doesn't have magic, but he does, but he doesn't want it, but there is so little choice (irony) when you are chosen (irony, it must be) to carry it.
Part of him, though, the part of him that defaults him to acceptance, to the usage of Her runes and Her language, wishes that his onmyoudo were at its height. If he had a spell to cast to the empty space on the bench, to the voided whorls of whispering and temptation, he would cast without hesitation. But there's also the matter where here, the lines between magic and psyche and dream and self are so blurred even Subaru struggles with it. Even if he could seal it... ]
Then you also remember this, don't you?
[ Not Agent Grapes, but Roe Deer. He doesn't bridge these gaps here save this one thing: ]
To better understand the form something takes, you need to draw it out.
[ is subaru a cruel person for crossing the gaps of territory he doesn't understand? once is an accident, a second time is on purpose as he's willingly taking advantage of knowing one, separating it from the other. even if this shell of agent grapes is melting, pooling onto the ground, it was his own comment that brought upon this opportunity.
who is meant to answer? roe deer?
should he part half of his mouth, should he find the right words? ask what they are? that's not the type of person he is, an agent knows better— agents over civilians is a strict rule. agent grapes doesn't follow it because he can't stomach the idea of anyone doing anything for him, risking themselves.
it's why he's comfortable working alone. ]
Pardon...
[ barely above a whisper, he tilts his head down, and the black tips of his hair has started beading at the tips. much like rain rolling down off the very end of a leaf. he knows why that's being said. he knows. ]
...Are you going to draw it out, then? [ a pause. ] That's something you shouldn't do alone.
[ his wise words as he is now, even if he can feel the tip of his tongue blister and pop. ]
[ An onmyouji's appeal goes both ways: speak to what isn't there, and speak to what it is. ]
If there's no other way. [ And time is running out. These voids are not only silent and cold and debilitating, breaking down everything that strays within them for too long, but they instill something ruinous as well, for those who dare to brave rescue, or research. He feels it, squirming against his insides as a feeling more than a physical presence. Like something sick, something alive. How long it will be content to stay just a feeling, he doesn't know. ] Knowing that you're here, I can't just leave. And...
[ He thinks of sitting next to Itadori Yuji in the funeral hall of his memories, Fushiguro Megumi in the bloodbath. Shirou Kamui, fled to the watery bottommost recesses of his soul. And even before that... the dreaming girl, asleep, asleep, whispering I hate you, Subaru. Each time, he'd given them a choice to follow him out. He prefers it. ]
...I'd ask you to come with me, but maybe I wouldn't be able to stomach the answer. So instead, I'll ask this.
If I shouldn't do it alone, will you let me get away with trying?
[ the void breaks down, saps light, removes darkness. it cleans up what shouldn't be inside, and the danger that it poses continues to linger as subaru remains right here. shouldn't he go, why doesn't he leave, and why does it cause an uncomfortable sensation in the pity of his stomach. he thinks he might throw up, but he's worried what will come up isn't anything normal.
a blackness in his stomach, something that's begging to come up. ]
I... [ his thoughts are as concrete as himself, one eye missing, his tongue next on the chopping block as a black substance leaks from the corner of his mouth. he hates it when someone tries to do anything for him, he can't stand it when someone tries to risk their life for him because of what he's done.
that's why he stands, pushing himself up even if his body wishes to work against him. this isn't him having a situation where he can't do one or the other, it's because he's not the type of person. even if the other is starting to blur in one eye, like water paint rolling down the canvas. ]
I can't let you be harmed. [ or let him go alone, even if soleum's breaking apart at the seams. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
it trickles onto the black cat like rain, rejected too as it slides along the surface and onto the ground around the feline. aware of this, that one red eye watching his body break down like so before him, he understands how grave the situation is at hand.
subaru.
he can not be here. ]
I don't have magic. [ he doesn't want it. if this place could tear it out from him, remove the pieces of himself that doesn't make up kim soleum. then he'd welcome it. the thought is so tempting when said by someone else when they view him like this. ]
But... you do.
[ that hand comes back to his lap, agent grapes tilts his head down, and he listens.
— What a nosey fellow! This is an a and b conversation, wouldn't you say, friend?
— What to do, what to do. You really shouldn't tell him, it's been some time since we could speak, friend.
— I can help you, friend! Stay a little longer, this Host has so much advice to help you out of this predicament. Now— ]
To break it down from the inside, you have to understand what you're against.
[ — That's fine and dandy, friend! this gracious host thinks you should tell him ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓. ]
Something followed you here.
no subject
Part of him, though, the part of him that defaults him to acceptance, to the usage of Her runes and Her language, wishes that his onmyoudo were at its height. If he had a spell to cast to the empty space on the bench, to the voided whorls of whispering and temptation, he would cast without hesitation. But there's also the matter where here, the lines between magic and psyche and dream and self are so blurred even Subaru struggles with it. Even if he could seal it... ]
Then you also remember this, don't you?
[ Not Agent Grapes, but Roe Deer. He doesn't bridge these gaps here save this one thing: ]
To better understand the form something takes, you need to draw it out.
no subject
who is meant to answer? roe deer?
should he part half of his mouth, should he find the right words? ask what they are? that's not the type of person he is, an agent knows better— agents over civilians is a strict rule. agent grapes doesn't follow it because he can't stomach the idea of anyone doing anything for him, risking themselves.
it's why he's comfortable working alone. ]
Pardon...
[ barely above a whisper, he tilts his head down, and the black tips of his hair has started beading at the tips. much like rain rolling down off the very end of a leaf. he knows why that's being said. he knows. ]
...Are you going to draw it out, then? [ a pause. ] That's something you shouldn't do alone.
[ his wise words as he is now, even if he can feel the tip of his tongue blister and pop. ]
no subject
If there's no other way. [ And time is running out. These voids are not only silent and cold and debilitating, breaking down everything that strays within them for too long, but they instill something ruinous as well, for those who dare to brave rescue, or research. He feels it, squirming against his insides as a feeling more than a physical presence. Like something sick, something alive. How long it will be content to stay just a feeling, he doesn't know. ] Knowing that you're here, I can't just leave. And...
[ He thinks of sitting next to Itadori Yuji in the funeral hall of his memories, Fushiguro Megumi in the bloodbath. Shirou Kamui, fled to the watery bottommost recesses of his soul. And even before that... the dreaming girl, asleep, asleep, whispering I hate you, Subaru. Each time, he'd given them a choice to follow him out. He prefers it. ]
...I'd ask you to come with me, but maybe I wouldn't be able to stomach the answer. So instead, I'll ask this.
If I shouldn't do it alone, will you let me get away with trying?
no subject
a blackness in his stomach, something that's begging to come up. ]
I... [ his thoughts are as concrete as himself, one eye missing, his tongue next on the chopping block as a black substance leaks from the corner of his mouth. he hates it when someone tries to do anything for him, he can't stand it when someone tries to risk their life for him because of what he's done.
that's why he stands, pushing himself up even if his body wishes to work against him. this isn't him having a situation where he can't do one or the other, it's because he's not the type of person. even if the other is starting to blur in one eye, like water paint rolling down the canvas. ]
I can't let you be harmed. [ or let him go alone, even if soleum's breaking apart at the seams. ]