[ Subaru isn't exactly the guy to be espousing the virtues of a good night's sleep to anyone. But he does tend to think that some rest, even intermittent, is better than none; having someone around who might actually be a little worse at it than he is serves as a reminder. Not that he blames him, sensing the deep reservoir of magic storming in him. What shape it'll take... he can't say. What he does know is this: he can only watch Agent Choi wear a rut into his apartment's floor for so long.
It wasn't an easy sell, necessarily. But it did work. And its shape finally emerges when Subaru's sleep-tingled legs and sore back finally stir him from where he'd dozed off too.
His palm drowsily skirts the wide, weighted plane beneath it (a big cat forehead), fingertips catching on thick fur (not hair). Stilling, Subaru tenses, blinks awake fully, a little too cognizant of when he's dreaming and when he isn't. His hands pull away, hovering over the heavy form of a full tiger snoozing away on his lap.
One whose tether has remained the same through the shift, making him realize exactly what's happened here... ]
[ it's the feeling of a slight shift in the tether resting so close to him that causes the agent to stir. like someone getting up from the other side of a bed, the emotions subaru feels upon looking down at the sleeping tiger in his lap ripple across their connection, gently nudging choi from his own dreams as he becomes aware of the shift. at first, it starts with the ears atop his head flicking—normal enough. something he's grown used to them doing in restless moments thanks to the changes that are slowly eating away at him. what isn't so normal is, well...
when he stretches his arms, reaching forward and even flexing fingers... sharp claws probably tear into subaru's poor couch as a result.
...
agent choi opens his eyes. the dull, desaturated living room looks back at him, and at the end of his furry, striped arms—legs now, he guesses? whatever. anyway, there are big fat paws stretching out before relaxing. in his peripheral, he can see subaru looking down at him with big eyes. himself, he turns his head to face him a little better as his still blue gaze blinks owlishly back.
awesome. just what he always wanted. seriously, this is great.
he's not freaking out. he shouldn't even be surprised, after all this. instead, that kind of sarcastic feeling is the number one thing subaru will feel stretch across their tether. ]
[ ...Well, the couch wasn't in all that great of a condition to begin with, so. No love lost.
Instead, Subaru is left staring at the familiar burning starlit hue of his eyes in the face of a tiger. There's really no mistaking it from that, from the flat sensation of his emotions sulking through the tether. Finally, he breathes some of the tension out, relaxing again. It does take a little effort this time. ]
You don't seem surprised... [ His hands still hover like an awkward first date not knowing where to put them all of a sudden. ] — is what I was going to say. But the more I think about it, the more it seems like I shouldn't be, either.
[ The ears, the tail. The restless aggravation of having your own flesh and blood and instinct taken from you...
He's a shifter. And not one from the legends that Subaru grew up with, from the look of it. ]
[ right? it's the kind of thing you really hope doesn't happen, but ends up feeling inevitable anyway.
anyway, subaru may not know quite what to do with his hands, but agent choi? it's not like he's ever been the shy type. if he's going to have to endure this, the least he should be allowed to do is sulk a little. lowering his head back down onto subaru's lap, choi groans, stretching out his paws and rolling onto his side—striped back against subaru. the effect isn't unlike the last tiger, but bigger. much bigger. just really, really big by the way.
but hey, on the bright side? he'll be the first to admit that the past two moons haven't treated him kindly at all. rather, that request for painkillers had been beyond genuine, so isn't it odd that this time, it occurred without even waking him? there's even a tentative sense of relief behind the thought, if not underlined by suspicion.
considering it, his paws rest aloft near his chest, drawn slightly inward in a way that resembles a housecat. ]
Beneath the wonder of the full transformation sprawled out so colorfully on his couch (and his lap, by proxy), Choi's considerable weight isn't really such a problem. Finally, Subaru's hands lower. He places one loosely on his side, just over the rise and fall of his chest. His other soothes the fur between his ears, wondering if the aches of bone being made malleable by magic still persist.
If not, well. Maybe the soft, repetitive motions will still bring some comfort. ]
Shifting under the light of a full moon. [ Subaru mulls aloud, talking shop to imbue the situation with some normalcy. ] It's more like something from European folklore, isn't it?
[ achey, maybe, but only in the way your back aches on a rainy day, or like leftover growing pains lying in bed. isn't it odd?
nevertheless, as subaru's hands find a home in his thick fur, choi has no complaints to speak of. comforting... that might just be the right word for it! maybe not so all-encompassing as a hug, but a feeling that's sort of like that on a small scale? it feels nice, and choi chuffs, a short huff of breath through his nose as he shifts to nuzzle against subaru's fingers.
he continues like that for a moment or two, ears swivelled to show his attentiveness, before offering his input, which starts with something like a yawn. ah, but to be honest, he's not really so used to this, so what follows feels clumsy, licking his lips and chewing the air for a moment as if to get used to the feel of his own feline maw. and then, an answer in the form of a funny kind of sound that only tigers can make.
to subaru, only because of that thread between the two of them, it might feel like: "well, we are in america after all~" maybe sleep just has western preferences? ]
[ oh! fine, fine. the next sound he makes is short, and it lifts towards the end like a question. the tip of his tail thumps against the other end of the couch.
[ first of all, maybe cats were onto something with this whole enjoying being pet thing. or maybe it just isn't the kind of luxury that humans let themselves indulge in. either way, his eyes close for a minute as he exhales the biggest sigh.
second of all, study...?
hmm, well, yeah. it makes sense to want to know where sleep came from—about her origins and what she is and why she is, right? that's basically step one of an exorcism.
so... just what kind of resources would subaru have, in an ideal world? ]
[ There's something to be said for it, he thinks. Just allowing his most ambient of thoughts to caress across the tether, conversational but not all that pointed. It takes some of the clumsiness away from having to explain himself in a world that never seemed to be for him, for all that he wielded within it — here, surviving is practical. Knowing why they're surviving is also practical, just cast in a different light. ]
I suppose... [ Idly, he rakes his fingers behind the curvature of one spotted ear. (It seems the topic may have briefly caused him to forget that ^ this is still a whole guy.) ] Most divine beings have existed since antiquity. Every interpretation carries an opportunity to understand the truth behind them. Humanity has been ascribing meaning to the divine since it learned to pray.
We wouldn't be the first to study Sleep, if Megumi's information is correct. But everything we know is so new.
[ It would be nice to have other references. Knowledge beyond the desperation of their current situation. ]
[ divine being, huh. still giving her so much credit...
it's a tall order, but still, choi closes his eyes to consider the explanation for a long moment. what are the pieces in this puzzle? what are their clues so far? the moon, the fungus, the something else living inside them. there are changes, and connections, and a twisted kind of "love".
...
he probably can't offer so much here and now. this, it'll have to be more of a long-term project, but, hmm... does subaru want to talk about his thoughts so far? ]
You're right, I'm sorry. We never came to a conclusion on her nature.
[ And how could they, really? Contamination is just as viable of a theory as the will of a new god, though there's a slender holding around his heart where doubt curls in alluring shapes. Where hurt has been transmuted into hope, or something like it — this is not a dream and yet a dead man walks, so very alive. (And causing problems...)
Silent a moment, his motions slow. His hand moves from his side to the plane of his neck. Is he still scarred, he wonders? Beneath the fur. ]
Did you give anything in the cathedral, Agent Choi?
subaru will find that the fur does indeed thin where it should be thickest, sparser where it's wrapped around his neck. let his fingers sink in too deep and he'll brush against a line of still tender skin, warranting the tiger to lift and shake its head briefly in an attempt to redirect his attention elsewhere. for good measure, he'll roll his body too, shifting restlessly so that he lays on his side instead of his back.
as for the question, a silence stretches across the tether. in the place of thoughts or words, a tangle of complicated emotions rise up like the tide before they're slowly reigned back in. at the forefront of them: regret.
[ His touch doesn't overstay its welcome when shaken off, slender fingers curling as he lifts them away again. Eventually, his palm settles again, still against the powerful jut of his shoulder blade. As if to anchor some of his restlessness instead, the weight of his soul much more formidable than that of his body. Somewhere in the tether, the complicated feelings intersect with his own, though Subaru doesn't exactly bid for anything deeper than that. ]
You don't have to tell me what it was.
[ Subaru is well-acquainted with regret. ]
I'm certain I offered something. If nothing more than to satisfy my own curiosity. But... [ His words measure, light and simultaneously slow. ] I can't remember what it was.
[ hmm... even without the prying though, there's no need for it, is there? subaru has already caught a glimpse of it, and there's probably not any point in hiding that fact now. he's not someone that choi needs to hide that from.
there is, however, something else that causes the agent's heart to prickle as he says it.
he doesn't remember... and choi feels curiosity, concern and something that stings around the edges—a kind of discontentment. not for subaru, but perhaps for his loss. ]
[ It's instant, the way that the tether saturates with his calm. Emotions run in tandem, pushing and pulling the light like the revolutions of the moon. ]
It's alright. Because I can't recall it, it must have been a memory. But I don't feel any different.
[ There doesn't seem to be anything inherently wrong about him, or something so off that others might notice. Whatever it was, it must've been important enough to sate her, but not enough to fundamentally alter who Subaru is. It stands to reason — he's given up much, in his life. ]
[ even against the current of the calm that washes over him, agent choi can't make himself alright with it. doesn't particularly want to try. he still remembers what subaru said, after all: one group undergoes changes of the body, and the other undergoes changes of the soul. fundamentally, this feels much the same.
they've both lost something about themselves.
the tiger grumbles, dissatisfied, and pins its ears back for just a moment to show its displeasure.
he guesses sleep won't be satisfied with them doing things in halves. ]
[ Distaste wells in his throat, but it's not his own. Bits and pieces of himself should be harder to parcel up and give away. But that's how it's always been — his heart beneath the cherry blossom tree, his soul in the stars. One eye and both lungs cloudy. Carefully, Subaru's next pass over Agent Choi's folded ears is closer to the way he'd carded his fingers through his hair when he was trying to coax him to rest. He knows it's difficult to bear; he doesn't pretend otherwise. He respects him too much.
If it's within his power to press humanity back into this strange outline Sleep has made of him, he will. ]
[ it's not that he doesn't understand. a nameless man should, at least, but still... maybe it's the fact that this time, it was sleep. it tastes bitter.
but the feeling reaches its peak, subsiding shortly after. not dismissed but at least properly felt and conveyed, he can set it aside in favour of what subaru has to say.
as that gentle hand caresses his fur, the tiger's eyes close. rather than flatten, this time its ears swivel, listening attentively. ]
[ Meeting his gaze, it really is remarkable how much his eyes have remained the same. ]
He's not divine. He's godlike, but not a god. Sleep... is beyond my capability right now, unless she can be asked directly.
[ But it's interesting, isn't it? A "god" entwined with a being who is not a god, but bears similarities to one. A beast, a force of nature, and the magic tethered to them...
[ it's food for thought, certainly, but in such a way that it only seems to pave the way to more questions. agent choi's mind turns, the gears spinning as information is memorized and stored carefully away for safekeeping until need of it might arise. but, for now? he'll resist the temptation to interrogate that scrap right down until only bone is left.
instead, he decides to build on what subaru has to offer him, the question carried across their tether by a genuine curiosity: does he think that she will answer honestly, if asked directly?
She may not know. There might be nothing to know at all. The only way to find out is to ask.
[ A hesitation lingers briefly on the tail end of his statement, more felt than heard. It's a rarity for someone so sure like he typically is. Subaru's hands still and he rests them on Choi's side thoughtfully for a moment. ]
There's just something I owe her.
[ It sounds simple, but even if he doesn't elaborate further, the tether saturates with it. It's terribly precious to him, whatever it is. His want for knowledge, for now, doesn't outweigh it. ]
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no subject
It wasn't an easy sell, necessarily. But it did work. And its shape finally emerges when Subaru's sleep-tingled legs and sore back finally stir him from where he'd dozed off too.
His palm drowsily skirts the wide, weighted plane beneath it (a big cat forehead), fingertips catching on thick fur (not hair). Stilling, Subaru tenses, blinks awake fully, a little too cognizant of when he's dreaming and when he isn't. His hands pull away, hovering over the heavy form of a full tiger snoozing away on his lap.
One whose tether has remained the same through the shift, making him realize exactly what's happened here... ]
no subject
when he stretches his arms, reaching forward and even flexing fingers... sharp claws probably tear into subaru's poor couch as a result.
...
agent choi opens his eyes. the dull, desaturated living room looks back at him, and at the end of his furry, striped arms—legs now, he guesses? whatever. anyway, there are big fat paws stretching out before relaxing. in his peripheral, he can see subaru looking down at him with big eyes. himself, he turns his head to face him a little better as his still blue gaze blinks owlishly back.
awesome. just what he always wanted. seriously, this is great.
he's not freaking out. he shouldn't even be surprised, after all this. instead, that kind of sarcastic feeling is the number one thing subaru will feel stretch across their tether. ]
no subject
Instead, Subaru is left staring at the familiar burning starlit hue of his eyes in the face of a tiger. There's really no mistaking it from that, from the flat sensation of his emotions sulking through the tether. Finally, he breathes some of the tension out, relaxing again. It does take a little effort this time. ]
You don't seem surprised... [ His hands still hover like an awkward first date not knowing where to put them all of a sudden. ] — is what I was going to say. But the more I think about it, the more it seems like I shouldn't be, either.
[ The ears, the tail. The restless aggravation of having your own flesh and blood and instinct taken from you...
He's a shifter. And not one from the legends that Subaru grew up with, from the look of it. ]
no subject
anyway, subaru may not know quite what to do with his hands, but agent choi? it's not like he's ever been the shy type. if he's going to have to endure this, the least he should be allowed to do is sulk a little. lowering his head back down onto subaru's lap, choi groans, stretching out his paws and rolling onto his side—striped back against subaru. the effect isn't unlike the last tiger, but bigger. much bigger. just really, really big by the way.
but hey, on the bright side? he'll be the first to admit that the past two moons haven't treated him kindly at all. rather, that request for painkillers had been beyond genuine, so isn't it odd that this time, it occurred without even waking him? there's even a tentative sense of relief behind the thought, if not underlined by suspicion.
considering it, his paws rest aloft near his chest, drawn slightly inward in a way that resembles a housecat. ]
no subject
Beneath the wonder of the full transformation sprawled out so colorfully on his couch (and his lap, by proxy), Choi's considerable weight isn't really such a problem. Finally, Subaru's hands lower. He places one loosely on his side, just over the rise and fall of his chest. His other soothes the fur between his ears, wondering if the aches of bone being made malleable by magic still persist.
If not, well. Maybe the soft, repetitive motions will still bring some comfort. ]
Shifting under the light of a full moon. [ Subaru mulls aloud, talking shop to imbue the situation with some normalcy. ] It's more like something from European folklore, isn't it?
no subject
nevertheless, as subaru's hands find a home in his thick fur, choi has no complaints to speak of. comforting... that might just be the right word for it! maybe not so all-encompassing as a hug, but a feeling that's sort of like that on a small scale? it feels nice, and choi chuffs, a short huff of breath through his nose as he shifts to nuzzle against subaru's fingers.
he continues like that for a moment or two, ears swivelled to show his attentiveness, before offering his input, which starts with something like a yawn. ah, but to be honest, he's not really so used to this, so what follows feels clumsy, licking his lips and chewing the air for a moment as if to get used to the feel of his own feline maw. and then, an answer in the form of a funny kind of sound that only tigers can make.
to subaru, only because of that thread between the two of them, it might feel like: "well, we are in america after all~" maybe sleep just has western preferences? ]
no subject
But the sentiment does carry, yes. ]
I can't say that factored into whatever I was considering as an explanation.
no subject
what was his explanation then? ]
no subject
It's not that I had any better ideas, really. I'd like to study the possibility more...
[ But as it happens. Resources are scarce at the end of the world. ]
no subject
second of all, study...?
hmm, well, yeah. it makes sense to want to know where sleep came from—about her origins and what she is and why she is, right? that's basically step one of an exorcism.
so... just what kind of resources would subaru have, in an ideal world? ]
no subject
I suppose... [ Idly, he rakes his fingers behind the curvature of one spotted ear. (It seems the topic may have briefly caused him to forget that ^ this is still a whole guy.) ] Most divine beings have existed since antiquity. Every interpretation carries an opportunity to understand the truth behind them. Humanity has been ascribing meaning to the divine since it learned to pray.
We wouldn't be the first to study Sleep, if Megumi's information is correct. But everything we know is so new.
[ It would be nice to have other references. Knowledge beyond the desperation of their current situation. ]
no subject
it's a tall order, but still, choi closes his eyes to consider the explanation for a long moment. what are the pieces in this puzzle? what are their clues so far? the moon, the fungus, the something else living inside them. there are changes, and connections, and a twisted kind of "love".
...
he probably can't offer so much here and now. this, it'll have to be more of a long-term project, but, hmm... does subaru want to talk about his thoughts so far? ]
no subject
You're right, I'm sorry. We never came to a conclusion on her nature.
[ And how could they, really? Contamination is just as viable of a theory as the will of a new god, though there's a slender holding around his heart where doubt curls in alluring shapes. Where hurt has been transmuted into hope, or something like it — this is not a dream and yet a dead man walks, so very alive. (And causing problems...)
Silent a moment, his motions slow. His hand moves from his side to the plane of his neck. Is he still scarred, he wonders? Beneath the fur. ]
Did you give anything in the cathedral, Agent Choi?
no subject
subaru will find that the fur does indeed thin where it should be thickest, sparser where it's wrapped around his neck. let his fingers sink in too deep and he'll brush against a line of still tender skin, warranting the tiger to lift and shake its head briefly in an attempt to redirect his attention elsewhere. for good measure, he'll roll his body too, shifting restlessly so that he lays on his side instead of his back.
as for the question, a silence stretches across the tether. in the place of thoughts or words, a tangle of complicated emotions rise up like the tide before they're slowly reigned back in. at the forefront of them: regret.
he did give something, but not willingly. ]
no subject
You don't have to tell me what it was.
[ Subaru is well-acquainted with regret. ]
I'm certain I offered something. If nothing more than to satisfy my own curiosity. But... [ His words measure, light and simultaneously slow. ] I can't remember what it was.
no subject
there is, however, something else that causes the agent's heart to prickle as he says it.
he doesn't remember... and choi feels curiosity, concern and something that stings around the edges—a kind of discontentment. not for subaru, but perhaps for his loss. ]
no subject
It's alright. Because I can't recall it, it must have been a memory. But I don't feel any different.
[ There doesn't seem to be anything inherently wrong about him, or something so off that others might notice. Whatever it was, it must've been important enough to sate her, but not enough to fundamentally alter who Subaru is. It stands to reason — he's given up much, in his life. ]
Gaining insight that way hit a dead end for me.
no subject
they've both lost something about themselves.
the tiger grumbles, dissatisfied, and pins its ears back for just a moment to show its displeasure.
he guesses sleep won't be satisfied with them doing things in halves. ]
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If it's within his power to press humanity back into this strange outline Sleep has made of him, he will. ]
There was one more thing.
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but the feeling reaches its peak, subsiding shortly after. not dismissed but at least properly felt and conveyed, he can set it aside in favour of what subaru has to say.
as that gentle hand caresses his fur, the tiger's eyes close. rather than flatten, this time its ears swivel, listening attentively. ]
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I scried One's blood.
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choi lifts his head sharply, peering up at subaru with large, expectant blue eyes. ]
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He's not divine. He's godlike, but not a god. Sleep... is beyond my capability right now, unless she can be asked directly.
[ But it's interesting, isn't it? A "god" entwined with a being who is not a god, but bears similarities to one. A beast, a force of nature, and the magic tethered to them...
It's been on his mind. That's all. ]
no subject
instead, he decides to build on what subaru has to offer him, the question carried across their tether by a genuine curiosity: does he think that she will answer honestly, if asked directly?
... does he think she knows the answer herself? ]
no subject
She may not know. There might be nothing to know at all. The only way to find out is to ask.
[ A hesitation lingers briefly on the tail end of his statement, more felt than heard. It's a rarity for someone so sure like he typically is. Subaru's hands still and he rests them on Choi's side thoughtfully for a moment. ]
There's just something I owe her.
[ It sounds simple, but even if he doesn't elaborate further, the tether saturates with it. It's terribly precious to him, whatever it is. His want for knowledge, for now, doesn't outweigh it. ]
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